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the mystery in myself
January 6, 2009
waves ~ Canon 30d
I must know myself, and know both the good and the evil that are in me... To live well myself is my first and essential contribution to the well-being of all humankind and to the fulfillment of our collective destiny. If I do not live happily myself how can I help anyone else to be happy, or free, or wise? Yet to seek happiness is not to live happily. Perhaps it is more true to say that one finds happiness by not seeking it…. To live well myself means for me to know and appreciate something of the secret, the mystery in myself: that which is incommunicable, which is at once myself and not myself; at once in me and above me.Thomas Merton
I love Merton's aspiration to know "both the good and the evil that are in me." When we dare to look into our shadow areas, the only thing I think we find which is "evil" is simply a misunderstanding of our true natures, which are wholly good, decent and loving. According to Buddhist teachings, each and every one of us is good at our core. It is only our inability to see clearly that blinds us to our true nature and causes us to suffer and cause others to suffer.
Fundamentalists from all religions don't like this assessment, which reminds us we are all equally good and worthy of love in god's and each others' eyes. When the gold within us is greatly obstructed from our view, the main desire in the mind is to feel "better than" and different from "the other". It isn't until we begin the careful and sacred process of slowly and mindfully cleaning away our muddy coverings that we begin to notice, "My fears are the same as your fears. My suffering is similar to your suffering." When the heart is allowed to open into the connectivity and awareness of humility, we realize our joy is everyone's joy ~ all beings only wish to be happy. It is through our illusory attempts to satisfy our hunger to be noticed or to run away that keep us from knowing peace.
Perhaps Merton's assessment that the more we seek after happiness the less we find it is born out of these hungers. What does being truly happy actually mean? It's a worthwhile contemplation to ponder. Does having a lot of money make us truly happy? Then why are rich people often so unhappy. Does being on top and more successful than others bring peace? If so, then why, once you've made it to the top of the ladder, is all your energy put toward making sure you stay there. Falling down a notch or two has a way of making the illusion crumble. According to all the great religions, if you dig deep into their cores, the path to happiness is humility... a letting go of the ego.
Merton is one of the greatest Christian writers of the 20th century, and what I love about him is how he investigated the science of the mind which is Buddhism. I recently attended a retreat led by the Tibetan lama, Tsoknyi Rinpoche, who recounted a recent visit to Merton's Abbey of Gethsemani in Kentucky. Tsoknyi (pronounced "soak nee") was taken by the similarities in the monks' practice to his own, and had so many good things to say about his visit. If only all of us could cross the mentally constructed barriers between philosophies to find our common ground. With a willing and open heart, we all just might learn something.
Real Live Preacher's most recent post inspired this writing. It's well worth a look/see. And.. thanks to Jayne who told me about it!
Posted by susan at January 6, 2009 2:29 PM
