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Coat of Many Colors~ Metta Blast 8
February 13, 2008
Let Go and Let God ~ Canon 30d
Today's image got me to thinking about wardrobes. Every day, when I stand in front of the closet, there are choices I make. Will I dress down? Do I care how I look? Are warmth and comfort my only concern, or do I want to knock the socks off of someone – a new date, perhaps? Our choices reflect how we see ourselves, and how we wish to be seen. I've got wardrobes on the brain, and it's not just what I'm wearing on the outside, but on the inside too. Whether I realize it or not, I stand in front of a closet inside my head every single moment of the day, choosing what kind of thinking I'll wear in response to my circumstances. This is why I meditate. Becoming aware of my thoughts – observing their random, often chaotic, mostly self-absorbed, and self-defeating content – has led me to the conclusion that training the mind isn't just an option, it's necessary if I wish to be happy in today's world.
Here's an example of my inner wardrobe from yesterday:
I headed out to the grocery store around 10am and when I got back to the apartment I realized I couldn't manage the three flights of stairs with both of my bags and my crutches. What did I choose to think? In days year's past, I would have slithered into a frumpy black outfit of thoughts telling myself how awful it was, how crippled I am, how I'm NEVER going to get better, and directing sour energy toward the neighbor who quickly ran past me without offering to help out. Instead, I just told myself it would take 6 times longer than it usually takes me to do a simple task. No big deal. With the wind whipping through my hair, I remembered how good it was for me to get out of the house and into the sunshine and fresh air, that using crutches is strengthening my upper body, and the exercise was good for me, and the "mean" neighbor? He probably had an emergency to attend to, and I certainly wasn't dying or anything.
How about today's outfit:
I love my crutches! I can't move without them, and they get me out of the cave that is my apartment. Without them, I wouldn't have been able to vote in the primary today! Crutches are AWESOME, I tell you! Once again, I found myself at the grocery store, because my mid-40's have taught me I can't remember anything these days, especially to buy toilet paper. As I stood in line, a young man in front of me suddenly turned around, and I knew what was coming... he was going to leave the line. I braced myself and tried to back out of his way just as he impatiently said, "Excuuuuuuuse me." Before I could say anything, the man repeated himself, yelling this time, "EXCUSE ME!" He hadn't seen my crutches, and I was so worried he was going to bump into me I didn't reply quickly enough.
As lightheartedly as I could I said, "Hold on, I've got crutches!" Boy, was he ever embarrassed, and he apologized all over himself. I stood there feeling a bit sideswiped in spite of the sincerity of the apology and a little afraid too. If he'd knocked me over, who knows what would have happened. Even though he recognized his mistake, I felt angry at him. I really thought he was going to bowl me over. But. He. Didn't.
When I got back to the car after what seemed like an hour later, (I don't move very fast) I stopped for a moment to consider how often this happens. Someone interprets another's lack of response or swiftness as a personal assault, then hell breaks loose. How many times have I done this? It happens every second of every day the world over, especially during rush hour. I considered the elderly and the handicapped who have to live with this on a permanent basis, and the lack of common courtesy. I felt so sad, I almost cried, not for myself, but for everyone. This is how compassion is born within our hearts, I believe. We feel our own pain, and take it a step further, recognizing we aren't alone in our suffering, and how so many others experience the pain we are experiencing. The heart quivers in the throes of universal understanding and wishes for things to be better when we recognize we are so not alone in this.
But wait, there's more!
Next on my list – the bank. The drive-up teller was so nice to me, I thought I'd cry all over again. He saw the crutches through the window and asked how I was, and it was genuine. I wanted to hug him.
Last stop on my journey? The voting booth. I parked right across from the community center, and as I walked up the handicapped ramp, a young man... same age as the guy who yelled at me earlier... doubled back to hold the door open for me. What happened next should be written down for the history books, because this is Washington, DC we're talking about here... the couple standing in front of me offered to let me go to the front of the line. "You shouldn't be putting weight on that foot, should you? Please, go ahead of me." I said thank you very much, but it's not as bad as it looks, and I've been a couch potato since this injury happened, and it's great to be standing up and voting for a change! They smiled at me. I smiled back. It was a smile fest. When I got to the front of the line, the woman's face brightened. "Wow! You came out in the cold to vote on CRUTCHES!" That's wonderful!" I thought the warmth pouring out of her would bowl me over quicker than the grocery store dude pushing past me would. And, as if that weren't enough, as I walked to the curb, a driver insisted I walk the crosswalk even though I smiled and waved and tried to insist it was okay for him to go first.
Beauty is everywhere. I already knew this from my photography, but if I were to be completely honest, I figured it was only really true for plants and animals... only true while in the forest, "out there" in nature. But I think I'm seeing something that has been partially hidden from me until now ~ the inner beauty of every single person. You won't see it if you aren't looking for it. You won't notice it unless you first dress yourself up in the multicolored garb of humility, whose threads of kindness, self-nurture, patience and forgiveness can touch complete strangers, open doors for you, and make your world a happier place.
What you seek is what you find, and the door you choose to knock upon will be opened unto you. My coat of many colors can stand up to any storm my mind might conjure up, and it will stand up to Life when it puts me to the test. I just need to remember to put my magic coat of splendiferous colors on more often, especially when I'm balancing on a rocky wall with an angry ocean splashing beneath my feet. (My photographs talk to me, but you already knew this.)
Mindfulness practice has really worked for me. I'm more aware of my foibles, but I'm willing to embrace them now. I still moan and groan, but step by tiny step, I can pause and see what direction my mind is going in and make life-affirming adjustments whenever necessary. You really can change the way your brain works, and choose a healing way of thinking. really. The world has a wonderful way of mirroring the thoughts we present to it, so why not choose thoughts filled with hope? Why not choose to believe that together we can create a better tomorrow? Say "yes" to yourself, follow your bliss, and doors will open that you never knew where there before. Walk this tightrope of faith with me, surrender to the moment, and choose to BELIEVE.
Posted by susan at February 13, 2008 08:40 AM
Comments
this was a beautiful post susan. thank you for sharing your experiences. just reading them shifted my own thinking.
Posted by: la vie en rose at February 13, 2008 02:40 PM
I am speechless Susan. That was so beautifully written my friend. It's sooooo true. Whatever we choose to put into our minds *is* what gets bigger and then is reflected back towards us. The goodness and humanity is in all of us, every single day.
Posted by: jayne at February 14, 2008 06:31 AM
I love it. You look as if you are standing on top of the world ready to fly!!! Bet you felf that way too. Your words are truth itself........... amen.
Posted by: janet at February 14, 2008 02:48 PM
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