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What's Bugging You? ~ Metta Blast 5
July 14, 2007
Yellow Jacket ~ Canon 30d
"You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and that person is not to be found anywhere. You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe deserve your love and affection."
~ Buddha
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In the weeks I have facilitated a Metta Circle meditation group, I've noticed something ~ it isn't always easy for us to bless ourselves. Deep down inside, we sort of kind of don't like ourselves. There's this pesky feeling, a gnawing sensation, that something's wrong with who we are. We feel undeserving.
Where did all this self-hatred come from? How can people who are genuinely interested in living a spiritual life feel this way? Why are so many of us mired in the grip of low self-esteem? Is it just me, or is this some sort of Western epidemic? A spiritual crisis? Why, why, why?
I don't know the absolute answer to that question, but you can find fingers pointing in a variety of directions. Blame the media! Blame your awful parents! Dig deep enough into our Puritanical roots, and you'll find the seeds of original sin sucking the lyrical life out of you! Blame the church! The Dark Side makes us do it! Why not blame God... he's the one who started the whole thing!
Ummm... did the Buddha say our true nature is blaming? Or, did he say we all are born with radiant Buddhahood inside of us? Didn't Jesus say something about radical, transformational, perfect love? Could it be we just give a lot of lip service to our spirituality, but really don't have an actual practice? Maybe we hate ourselves because we have no discipline of thought. Isn't one of the reasons we meditate to quiet the chatter of negativity and blame that obstructs the pathway to the soul's higher thinking?
The good news is that self-hatred has powerful antidote, and her name is Humility.
Humility doesn't seek to bring attention to herself, for she knows her proper place in the world. Because she is grounded in reality rather than conceit, humility expands our sense of truth and inner wisdom. Where narcissism sucks the energy out of everything it comes in contact with, humility illuminates the world with a subtle and powerful energy which is rooted in love and respect for self and others. Humility knows she doesn't have all the answers and chooses to believe we all have worth, and we all come from the same source, which is love.
When I think of truly humble people and the positive impact they have had on the world, Mother Teresa comes to mind, as does Jesus, Ghandi, and the innumerable mystics and saints such as Saint Teresa of Avila and Rumi. Invisible bodhisattvas are everywhere, committing random acts of kindness without fanfare. These people fully own their worth, but certainly aren't narcissistic. You can have a strong sense of self, without being self-ish... and, blessing yourself certainly does not mean you are an egotist. If the block to loving yourself is due to false-modesty or self-doubt ~ please leave that roadblock behind you. We all need and deserve our lives to be filled with blessings and without a foundation of our true value supporting us, we are of little use to others.
Opera singer, Paul Potts tops the list of my present-day Humility Heroes. If you haven't seen the YouTube movie of his tear-jerking performance on Britain Has Talent, go look. The thing that makes him so incredible is the absence of bravado in the presence of a great gift. Whether or not he is the greatest singer on earth might be debatable, but Mr. Potts certainly is the most beloved and cherished opera singer in the here and now. Why? When true humility is paired with great passion and commitment to doing one's best without doing harm to others, it's like a breath of pure oxygen. When exposed to such a rarity, we're snapped out of our trances and suddenly realize how hungry we are for authenticity!
Compare these examples to our much-celebrated present-day narcissists: Paris Hilton, George Bush, Donald Trump, and Martha Stewart to name a few. You might respect their titles and accomplishments and covet their money, but consider the karmic price of their actions. How many people have been stung by their self-absorbed fight to be ahead of the pack and on top of the crowd? Does the acquisition of titles, things and magazine covers fill their souls?
Answer: NO, it doesn't. You don't fill your soul, your soul fills you. Which is why humility isn't just a recommendation, it's a requirement if you expect to live a life of spiritual abundance and authentic gratitude. Narcissism deafens us to the healing drumbeat of the soul's rhythm, and without it, we forget... we contract... we fall into dis-ease, and begin believing the lie that our worth is tied to external things, such as waging wars, acquiring "stuff" and other's opinions.
So, what's bugging you? Is the Wasp of Unworthiness stinging you in the heart today? Is the venom of self-aversion filling you with the lie that something's terribly wrong with you? How long will you wait before you swat the invertebrates of self-loathing away from your inner sanctuary? The bud of belonging is waiting to blossom in your heart of hearts today, so here's a prescription filled with compassion and humility to get you started. Once a day, if the condition is chronic. As many times as needed if the infestation is severe.
Metta Therapy
- Close your eyes and breathe deeply for a minute. Feel the sensations in your body. The tingling in your fingers. The weight of the air on your skin. Simply experience things as they are, without resistance.
- When you're ready, consider how you feel about yourself today.
- Hold whatever comes up with compassionate acceptance. Don't deny your feelings, for they are real, and for heaven's sake, cut yourself some slack... stop judging yourself so harshly and stop listening to the weasels inside of your head!
- Cradle yourself with the tenderest compassion your heart can muster. Mindfulness requires seeing things as they are while holding what we encounter with compassionate acceptance.
- As you lean into your feelings, invite your Soul, Buddha Nature, True Self.. whatever you want to call it... to sit beside you and fill the empty spot the sadness, the self-hatred, or the well of anger and grief will leave once you let go it. A void cannot be left unfilled... better to fill it with lovingkindness than to allow the negativity to creep in again, and again, and again.
- Remember you are love. Repeat the Metta Prayer below, first including yourself, and then saying it for a teacher, for a friend, for a neutral person, for a difficult person, and finally, for all bugs and beings everywhere in the entire universe.
- Repeat daily ~ more often, if needed.
- Don't think this is a one-time deal. Our hearts require a daily reminder of who we are, what love is, and why we're here.
May I be be peaceful.
May I be be happy.
May I be be safe.
May I be awaken to the light of my true nature.
May I be be free.
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"If you should ask me what are the ways of God, I would tell you that the first is humility, the second is humility, and the third is still humility. Not that there are no other precepts to give, but if humility does not precede all that we do, our efforts are fruitless."
~Saint Agustine
{This post was inspired in part by Caroline Myss' new book, Entering the Castle, which I highly recommend.}
ps ~ in an effort to make my meditation practice not only internal, but also external, I've committed myself to carve out more time to read everyone else's blogs, even if it means posting less up here myself. So.. expect to begin seeing links to some creatively savvy writers and artists on a consistent basis. Artists by nature are soulful creatures, and their creations need to be shared with the world. More later... Susan.
Posted by susan at July 14, 2007 2:02 PM
Comments
I have just finished reading this post and want to thank you for your words.
I have just started Entering the Castle - not in the book form but the 9 cd set lecture. My soul is yearning and hungry for this experience and I am so looking forward to moving slowly step by step on this journey.
Once again thank you.
Barbara
Posted by: Barbara at July 15, 2007 7:30 AM
I can't think past the emotions your words stir but want to thank you for sharing them. I look forward to visiting the links you provide.
Posted by: Star at July 15, 2007 10:36 AM
Right on, Susan. I know so many people with low self-esteem. I have been there myself and on certain days still am. It's never over. We must remind ourselves on a daily basis that we are good, that we are the children of a loving God.
Posted by: jzrart at July 15, 2007 11:21 AM
From time to time, I dip into thinking something's wrong with me too. I should have mentioned this in my post. It usually happens when I've stopped taking time to nurture my heart through meditation and listening to the voice of love that's inside of me ~ inside of all of us.
Spiritual practice is the antidote for the forgetting we all experience. Sometimes, I forget how wonderful I am. I forget we are all the same. I forget my true identity. I forget I deserve my own affection. When I fall into forgetting it causes me to suffer, which is why I sit down and practice remembering.
Posted by: susan at July 16, 2007 11:11 AM
This is so off your topic, but funny and I knew you'd get a kick out of it:) I grew up calling the wasp in your pic a "yellow jacket", and Kate got stung by one last year, so she sort of knows this guy up close and personal. This year we've been talking about bees a lot, as the kids are fascinated by them. Kate now, despite correction by me, continues to refer to this wasp as a "jacket bee"!
Posted by: tamara at July 16, 2007 11:38 AM
susan, what an excellent post. i've really been struggling lately and of course beating up on myself has been a part of the struggle. i've printed out the meditation instructions and will begin this today.
peace to you...
Posted by: la vie en rose at July 16, 2007 5:52 PM
Hello Susan, I was reading about something similar in Osho Times today and he was talking about how that we recieve our religion from other people, which is inevitable. It is imposible that you should not for obvious reasons. However, for one to awaken and become a Buddha, one must eventually let go and walk in one's own intuition and true religion arises from one's essence. I thought that was pretty neat.
Posted by: Bob at July 17, 2007 3:17 PM
I've just now taken the time to read this and now I know why. I have been inundated with writings and thoughts on humility, along with some circumstances which have required my practice of said precept. Fascinating. I have long harbored these doubts and self-loathing thoughts you speak of and yet, in the last few years I have begun to let them go just as you suggest. It has truly been the most humbling thing learn to love myself. This takes me one step further in the process. For that, I thank you. Very cool.
Posted by: Candy at July 23, 2007 10:16 AM
