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Polar Bears From Hell

January 24, 2007

ph_jan_frontier.jpg

Hell Freezes Over ~ Canon 30d

I shot this image from the plane that transported me to Kansas City for Thanksgiving. Due to circumstances I won't go into (this isn't a diary) this particular morning could easily be categorized under the heading "Worst Mornings of My Life". Yep.. it was a doozy. I hadn't slept a wink the night before and arrived at the airport at 7am looking like an urchin, complete with wild animals nesting in my hair. I remember pointing the camera through the window and seeing those polar bears on the Frontier jet and thinking, "Fuck you, Polar Bears... you aren't allowed to be so cute and happy when I feel so crappy."

Despite my foul mood, I stopped to consider something in row 13A ~ one day in the not-so-distant future I wouldn't feel this demoralized. One day, maybe in January of 2007, I'd be grateful this whole zit-popping episode of life happened. One day, about 2 months from now, I'd be posting a photograph of some polar bears on a Frontier jet that would hold no particular meaning for my audience, but would signal a grand departure. A momentus hurling of myself down the runway of life, unencumbered by past pustules. Someday, one day, every day from this day forward, I'd be so over whatever it was that happened that I wouldn't even be able to remember who or what had transpired.

After these thoughts crossed my mind, I half-heartedly shot the picture, closed my eyes and waited for the hot, wet tears to roll down my face, following the salt-laden trail so many tears had already taken, paving the way for the rest to follow.

There's a theme here. In my last post, I mused about contrasts ~ inner and outer ~ drawing upon our abundant inner resources when the outside world is falling apart. But what about the flip-side? When you're dying inside and the world looks like a Holly Hobby Merry-Go-Round?

You tell yourself you'll get over it. You tell yourself it's okay to feel like crap and allow yourself to feel that way as long as it takes... 2 weeks, 2 months, or 2 years if it's required. You go ahead and swear and the damn polar bears, because they'll totally understand. Once you're soaring in the clouds and whatever it was that happened looks like a itsy bitsy dot 30,000 feet beneath you, it will just be a small part of what makes up the inner whole.

You know the precise moment when this all happens? It's when hell freezes over.

Ooo-la-la-dee-da. I really feel happy again.

Posted by susan at January 24, 2007 05:32 PM

Comments

Been there. I know you had a lot of stress with all the holiday and other work stuff about then, so hopefully now that things are past or underway, you are in a happier place. For me, even the salty tears seem to help, maybe it's just the physical acknowledgment of all the inner stuff that makes it all seem like something I can look in the face and conquer.

Cute polar bears though...

Posted by: Star at January 24, 2007 10:57 PM

I just love hell in the winter. So rare. Sometimes you just get that glimpse of a bit of relief in the hard times. So rare. Good work on the photo and the explanation. So rare.

Posted by: Cynthia at January 26, 2007 03:44 PM

Three cheers for la-de-da. Hot and salty tears are often the pathway to joy and contentment.

Posted by: janet at January 30, 2007 11:26 AM