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Loving the Questions

January 04, 2007

ph_jan_questionsmoke.jpg

Question ~ Canon 30d
I would like to beg you dear Sir, as well as I can, to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don't search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer."

~ Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet

There have been some big questions bouncing around in my head these last weeks, and you know what? This random Over-Thinking I sometimes subject myself to can be pretty exhausting. Thoughts like, "If only I could dig deep enough and find the elusive Sesame Seed of Total Understanding* in this situation I'd be able to accept it."

I'm one of those chics who, when faced with a totally unpredictable event in her life, will uncover every stone at the scene of the crime in an attempt to make sense of it. Trouble is, a lot things are beyond my comprehension, and even if I knew all the reasons, would it really matter?

A couple weeks ago, I stumbled across this Rilke quote while browsing in Georgetown's Barnes and Noble. A familiar voice inside my head (the one that sounds a lot like NPR's Diane Rehm**) whispered, "Gee whiz, Susan, you write so much about embracing the mysteries in life, yet you can't seem to let go of that thing that's bugging you. Do I detect a note of hypocrisy in the air?"

"Who the heck asked you, Diane?" I whined, "Besides, didn't I clarify at some point that embracing the mystery only applies as long as it doesn't take any effort on my part?"

Diane, "I won't take up much of your time because Goldie Hawn is waiting to be interviewed, but don't you sometimes wonder if this Need to Know Everything Syndrome is a bit of an addiction? Tsk, tsk! You can't seem to stop it."

{The sound of NPR music playing in the background, and *poof* she was gone.}

"Me? Addicted?" I said out loud as I stood waiting at the intersection of M and Wisconsin, (it's perfectly okay to talk to yourself on the sidewalks of Georgetown, people figure you have cell phone chip implanted in your head) "I'm a goody-two-shoes when it comes to addictive substances, and Over-Thinking is definitely NOT a substance!"

Lowering my voice to a somewhat unintellible grumble, "Diane sure as hell doesn't know what she's talking about." Snorting indignantly, "You hear that, Diane?" I shouted, shaking my fist at the DO NOT WALK sign, "YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT!"

Of course I was wrong. Anyone who's tuned into Diane's show knows she's the Diva of All Things Known and Unknowable. :)

So, between Rilke and Rehm, I have a new mantra which goes something like this ~ "God grant me the serenity to know I can't know the unknowable, and the courage, not only to live the questions, but to LOVE them."

Close your eyes with me and give it a whirl. Fall in love with each and every one of your unanswerables. Every flower must risk opening itself to a world overflowing with unknown territory. Our hearts are the same way ~ sometimes, a leap of faith and acceptance is required.

There's a still small voice inside of me this afternoon, only this one sounds like the fluttering wings of my truest nature ~ do you hear it whispering?

Stop searching and yearning, and just maybe someday, when you're ready, and when you least expect it, the answers will find you.


*Unlike mustard seeds of faith, Sesame Seeds of Total Understanding are nearly impossible to come by.

**Poetic license. The only voice I hear is Olympus'.

Related post, one I like to remember: Munch, Munch, Munch!

Posted by vincent at January 4, 2007 05:24 PM

Comments

LOVE this! Rilke is one of my favorites too.

Also LOVE the new winter digs - beautiful!

Posted by: bobbie at January 4, 2007 09:43 PM

Thanks!

Posted by: susan at January 4, 2007 09:53 PM

Your concept of the unknown frightens you. But this is a paradox, because what is truly unknown couldn't possibly resemble what your ego can project, either optimistically or pessimistically. It would totally confound your categories and definitions!

When you get stuck on what you think you have to worry about, the truth of the situation goes unnoticed. Refrain from obsessing on negative assumptions, doubts and fears and take a clear look at what is actually happening and what you are feeling. Feel it fully, so it can pass.

Posted by: anon at January 4, 2007 10:03 PM

Think of yourself as a secret agent for the greater good... because you are. :)

Posted by: anon at January 4, 2007 10:07 PM

What a cool coincidence--my Poetry Thursday poem two weeks ago was very much about this same topic. Your take on it, I must admit, is much more entertaining. I'm a little envious of your talent for conveying silliness AND seriousness all at the same time. Nice piece of writing.

Posted by: Jon at January 4, 2007 11:26 PM

This seems like a good place for a Malcolm Muggeridge quote I found on another blog:
"It is only possible to succeed at second-rate pursuits -- like becoming a millionaire or a prime minister, winning a war, seducing a beautiful woman, flying through the stratosphere or landing on the moon. First-rate pursuits -- involving, as they must, trying to understand what life is about and trying to convey that understanding -- inevitably result in a sense of failure. A Napoleon, a Churchill, a Roosevelt can feel themselves to be successful, but never a Socrates, a Pascal, a Blake. Understanding is ever unattainable. Therein lies the inevitability of failure in embarking upon its quest, which is none the less the only one worthy of serious attention."

Mind you, trying to understand is not the same as obsessing, is it?

The photo is wonderful!

Posted by: Catherine at January 5, 2007 03:38 AM

Hi Susan,
I'm here via Poetry Thurs although I could have bumped into you in that bookstore. Smiled at your non-exaggerated explanation of talking to oneself in Georgetown, Goldie Hawn, and the twist on the Serenity Prayer.

Your site is a joy! A combo of philosophy, art, writing, and more I have yet to discover. GORGEOUS photography of yours. That "question" reminds me of an ethereal ear.
Bookmarking you. I'll be back.

Posted by: gel at January 5, 2007 03:59 AM

Wonderful, well-written post that spoke serious truth to me this morning. I'm in that place of learning to let go; I keep saying to myself, "I have CONTROL issues". The things I question or cannot control tend to overtake all others and sometimes render me helpless.

Wonder thoughts to consider and encourage me. Peace to you through the the process of embracing all of the mystery!

Posted by: beth at January 5, 2007 09:06 AM

Susan, Your post is the best medicine for my wounded heart today. I've been saying the Serenity Prayer for a long time. I like your version better. Lettiing go is no easy thing. It means disengaging from all of the props we surround ourselves with including other people. Allowing oneself to just jump into the abyss is an act of extreme bravery, but one that we encounter daily. Some days we jump, others we don't. Thanks for the wonderful words, my good, wise friend.

Posted by: jzrart at January 6, 2007 02:52 PM

Beautiful! Love, love, love.

Robert Vandenbego
Madrid, Spain
www.begomadrid.blogspot.com

Posted by: Robert Vandenbego at January 6, 2007 03:52 PM

A secret agent for the greater good. Truth.

Posted by: janet at January 7, 2007 11:13 PM