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Hanging On

October 24, 2006

ph_oct_greenleaf.jpg

Green Still ~Canon 30d

This leaf was one of just a few at the very bottom of the maple tree who was holding on for dear life, as if to say, "No! No! I'm not READY yet! Give me some more time ~ I don't like this deadline!"

Of late, I've had problems with deadlines ~ circumstances piling up to an extent that my deadlines are being missed. It was all feeling very end-of-the-worldish there for awhile. I built much of my life on the line I etched into the sands of time many moons ago, only to have the winds of fate blow what seems like a heavy sand dune in its place.

When unfotunate circumstances occur, you can shake your fist at the sky, curse the day, curl up into the fetal position, or you can accept reality for what it is and punt. Trouble is, at the moment I'm having a doozy of a time extracting fact from fiction, and it's driving me crazy.

So today, I sat down and focused on becoming a compassionate person. You all know who I'm talking about ~ the evolved, enlightened kind of person I'm always writing about. The person I emulate. The compassionate woman I wish I could be. The person I'm being challenged right this moment to become ~ that's the person I sat down with. She's the part of me whose big opportunity to become bigger and brighter and less self-involved has come knocking.

Can I open this door? Can I put aside my attachments to all the work, the blood, sweat and tears, the freakazoid frustration, and allow my heart to focus something beside itself?

Hold me in the light. Right now, I'm doing the best I know how to do.

Which leads me back to the leaf hanging on for dear life. Unfortunatley, there are deadlines that simply can't be changed or missed. Sometimes, requirements have to be met. Sometimes, a deadline isn't written in sand, but carved in stone. Opportunities can be missed. Seasons change. At some point, the leaves must turn and the end must come. Change happens. It is our job to meet these situations with an open and compassionate heart. The quivering, awake and alive part of our hearts that recognizes we're all human, we're all afraid, and we all make big mistakes. Maybe what I've been labeling as "bad" really isn't that bad. Maybe I just can't see right now that it's neutral, or even good.

So please keep me in your thoughts and prayers so I walk mindfully and make wise decisions. I will be geniunely grateful.

Posted by susan at October 24, 2006 01:44 PM

Comments

It will be our pleasure, Susan...

Posted by: dan at October 24, 2006 06:59 PM

Prayers are ascending...

Posted by: samtzmom at October 25, 2006 06:16 AM

You write beautifully, and if that is how you view the world and your challenges all will be well.

Thank you for your writings.

Barbara

Posted by: Barbara at October 25, 2006 11:19 AM

Prayers are being said at this moment. What has happened to make you miss your desired deadline was not good. I hope you discover the Why? but if you don't, continue forward. Your friends will hang in there with you and understand.

Posted by: janet at October 25, 2006 11:55 AM

i will, i will! and yes, i do believe you can become that person...she already is you, just waiting for you to step into her shoes...

Posted by: la vie en rose at October 25, 2006 02:22 PM

This morning while washing my face and reviewing the worries of my life...I reminded myself "You are right where you are supposed to be. You GOTTA trust that...."

I don't know if this helps. But there it is.

Love, S.

Posted by: Art Tea Life at October 25, 2006 05:23 PM

Wow, I've received some really helpful comments and emails from readers here. It's those simple reminders that stick to me like glue. It's difficult to be put in a position of holding someone accountable, and preparing for the consequences if it doesn't happen. We all want to be heard and have our concerns noted when immersed in conflict.

Posted by: susan at October 25, 2006 05:39 PM

The words and photo ... stunning

Posted by: Kim at October 30, 2006 04:02 PM