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Nesting

June 24, 2006

ph_jun_eggs.jpg

Chickadee Eggs ~ Canon 30d

You cannot prevent the birds of sadness from passing over your head, but you can prevent their making a nest in your hair.
~ Chinese Proverb

Where does sadness come from? Does it fly overhead, descending simply by chance, or does our anger issue an invitation? Do we solicit sadness into our hearts? Tailfeathers are ruffled, lines drawn in the sand, and a little melancholy bird softly lands on our heads. But, we're too preoccupied demanding an apology to shoo her away, so she quietly settles in for the long haul, knitting a nest of sorrows in our hearts.

It is my sincerest hope the viewpoints I shared with regard to my metaphorical understanding of faith and religion, and my exasperation over Christians' response to the Da Vinci Code didn't cause angry birds to nest in anyone's hairdo. I do this periodically ~ engaging passionately in a subject that's close to my heart. My entry last month had more ooomph behind it than ever before, though. It's okay to criticize Pat Robertson, but quite another to dis the catholic church... even if you feel like you're the one who was initially the "diss-eeee".

For me, spirituality is expressed through creativity, and the idea of boycotting and condemning art solely because it offers an alternative viewpoint? Well, that's pretty disenchanting to me. This was precipitated by interactions I had with the church weeks earlier ~ interactions that were tinged with blatant rudeness and insincerity. Circumstances aligned in such a way that I found myself standing at a Da Vinci Code crossroads of sorts. In a frustrated moment, I took the path of I'm right and you're wrong. It felt good ~ really, it did... until I completely miffed a friend, and then attended a meditation group soon after where the talk was about non-judgement.

It seems you can't be enlightened and carry harsh judgements in your back pocket. (I know, I know. If you're conditioned to think primarily with your reptilian brain, refraining from judging just totally sucks... there was a moment when I thought maybe I should throw in the meditation cushion and go back to blithe suffering.)

I've sat down to compose this post on several occasions since then, only to find myself writing in circles. The spiritual issues brought up with regard to feeling anger, judging each other, saying what is on my mind, being sensitive, yet truthful ~ untangling these things and making sense of them has made me feel like Alice falling down the Rabbit Hole. On the one hand, I feel I'm "right"... and then when looking at what I did from a totally different angle, I decide I am totally "wrong". Pick a lens. Choose a mood. Our thoughts are so easily swayed by our inner weather patterns.

This is where thinking too much gets me into trouble. Thoughts are transitory, they shift and change on a moment's notice... especially if you're open to considering one of your own thoughts might be untrue. Like a passing storm, thinking too much can knock all the power out and leave one feeling confused. Case in point... just writing about thinking too much has probably made you, my gentle reader, a bit confused! (If not.. you are way more enlightened than I am... please, for the sake of all of us, start your own blog!)

I began this blog with a focused intention ~ to take responsibility for my sadness and depression through a daily dose of creative expression. When I emerged on the other side physically and mentally healthier, I owed the cocreated miracle to a daily commitment to gratitude and the kindness of friends and strangers who actually showed up to see the sandcastles I built here. From day one I envisioned this place as creative sandbox. Sometimes I draw beautiful Zen gardens in the sand ~ and on other days, sit back and watch the sand fly! I'm not doing this for money or for anyone's approval. This is art for art's sake. Sometimes, when I start veering away from what I feel is a true expression of where I am at a given time, I mussy the whole canvas up. It's part of inhabiting this complicated, painful, beautiful, and sometimes offensive world and creatively interpreting it. The sand will fly, but I'll do my best to keep it out of everyone's eyes from now on.

My wonderful meditation teacher, Tara Brach, often says that life is painful ~ that pain is guaranteed, but suffering is optional. I love this because all those years I was a born-again christian, I felt like I was doing something "wrong" because my faith simply did not eliminate any of the pain from my life. As a matter of fact, in some ways, my faith increased it. Being told I was sinful and always missing the mark did nothing to make me feel whole and complete. I knew at the basic core of Jesus' teachings there was only love. Deep inside something told me god was not wrathful... that confessing a handful of words of allegiance could not, would not, be the qualifying factor for my salvation... that life is filled with irony, illusion and pain, not because we are innately bad... but because god must have intended it this way. God must understand my pain because He or She created a world that is brimming to overflowing with it. Prophets and saints alike have walked this earth and proclaimed a loving God and pointed the way toward peace ~ sadly, we always seem to thank people like this by putting them to to death for proclaiming such radical teachings. Being enlightened or holy does not a pain-free existence make. Still, these prophets and saints spoke of everlasting happiness and fulfillment, despite the painful roads they chose.

Pain is a given ~ suffering is optional.

If you're still reading this blog, and you were offended by my words here, I do wish I could take them back, but I can't. They're out there bouncing around in the virtual atmosphere. What's done is done. The post is now a Given. Whether my words continue to cause suffering? This is Optional.

For my part, I can write a follow up entry and ask the birds of dismay to fly away from their nests and pray for the bird of peace to nest in your heart.

For your part ~ you can ask the birds of dismay to fly away their nests and pray for the bird of peace to nest in my heart.


When we solicit the birds of peace into our hearts, we begin a sacred journey. Stepping out of the Sandbox of Right and Wrong, into the field of our truest nature ~ the Field of Non-Judgment.

There is a field, I'll meet you there.

Posted by vincent at June 24, 2006 12:00 AM

Comments

Well said. I love coming here to see what new image or quote you have posted. It is a place of beauty.

And I know the struggle of mistakenly believing that being enlightened or holy would mean livng a pain-free existence.

Posted by: annie at June 23, 2006 10:28 PM

"...and of these the greatest is Love."

(I'll join you there...)

Posted by: dan at June 24, 2006 04:18 AM

Ah, the Sandbox of Right and Wrong... It brings to mind the saying that, "Feelings are neither right nor wrong, they just are." But it's still hard not to feel passionately and to want to defend our positions. But you are right...that is indeed when the sacred journey begins. Blessings and hugs to you dear soul... I'll also strive to meet you in that field.

Posted by: samtzmom at June 24, 2006 06:51 AM

oh Susan... so many things came up for me upon reading your post. there is the potential of me doing some major babbling in response, so right away, i'm going to apologize for that! :)

first of all, i'm so happy to see that you have "returned"... i've been wondering where you've been... your photos and quotations have been beautiful these past couple of weeks, but i've been missing the- i don't know- the juicy and vulnerable Susan whose words tickle my brain like a dream. that's not to say that you shouldn't have a well-deserved break, but i've missed you and your courageous words, and i don't even know you except through my mother... ha! you have taught me a lot though, and reading your blog has inspired me to expose my own juiciness and vulnerability to the world in my own blog.

anyhow, i am so appreciative for your humbleness within this post... at the same time, i wonder... isn't part of enlightenment about embracing our "humanness"? i remember once telling someone who i considered to be a profound healer that i'd been feeling somewhat disconnected to my spiritual self, wrapped up in my kids, wrapped up in politics, wrapped up in my own opinions of things... she challenged me by saying to me, "are those things not spiritual? being spiritual doesn't mean not being human. being spiritual is simply "being" present to whatever is there in the moment." i have never forgotten that conversation, and often remind myself even when i'm feeling trapped within my humanness, spirit is everything... the creativity, the vulnerability, the fear, the anger, the judgement, the humbleness, the righteousness, and sorrow, and the joy, and the passion, the grasp, and the release.

yes, it is my hope too that we can meet in spirit, and embrace one another within spirit, even when we feel coaxed by the powers of judgment or anger, recognizing that they are simply teachers to us and part of the delicious stew we call life.

i guess what i'm trying to say is this... while you've accepted responsibility for your words beautifully, in my opinion, you don't need to regret them. however, it very well could be that i don't know what the heck i'm talking about, for while strive to live peacefully and engaged in spirit, i really don't know the first thing about "enlightenment" and it would probably do me worlds of good to study the prophets and saints that walked this earth before us. it could also very well be that i appreciate your speaking your mind because i share many of your frustrations and i'm too chicken to express them myself or haven't found the words that encompass them.

like you, i can go in circles with this as well... what's right, what's wrong? i think all we can do is express our own truths while allowing others their own truths. i think your passionate posts have invited inspiring dialogue amongst our truths, and that's a beautiful gift, whether we choose to look at it that way or not. i'd rather engage in debate and perhaps learn something from one another than not connect at all.

warm wishes,
Lisa


Posted by: Lisa at June 24, 2006 07:57 AM

Since I think of myself as an open-minded person, I've been exploring the web to see other Christian points of view other than those of the church where I have been a life long member. I don't have a problem with "this is how we interpret the Bible because of ___." But what I've found are dozens of people running down whole groups of other churches and interpretations of the Bible as blantantly "wrong," and therefore, not Christian. So I am being judgmental about judgmentalness.

Unfortunatley, in some "Christian" circles, being non-judgmental or even slightly open-minded is seen as "liberal" and therefore lacking of faith.

So I appreciate having someone express a humble and non-judgmental attitude while still expressing a sense of the divine.

Posted by: LoieGram at June 24, 2006 09:12 AM

welcoming you from poetry thursday; lovely looking blog!

Posted by: AscenderRisesAbove at June 24, 2006 02:37 PM

The cup of sorrow and the cup of joy are poured into the cup of our life. To be fully human, we must drink it all down to the last drop.

Posted by: Mark W. at June 24, 2006 03:32 PM

So very well said. Thank you Susan.

Posted by: Arthur at June 24, 2006 07:16 PM

peaceful/exhausting? sorry- i don't have your eloquence with words.... but that was my first thought... There's something so peaceful about this post- reading someone's thoughts at one specific moment in time... knowing you were sure about something at least at the time you wrote it... but definitely relating to thoughts being transitory- that's the exhausting part... always struggling to see a little bit more... keeping myself in a state that enables me to be willing to see or understand a little bit more (and all the emotions that come with a state of mind that is willing to change)- yet reading about someone else's state of mind at one specific moment is calming...

Posted by: windy at June 25, 2006 12:01 AM

beautiful, well written post susan.

Posted by: Heidi at June 25, 2006 12:51 PM

yes

Posted by: mikaelah at June 25, 2006 05:33 PM

Susan, as always your posts are beautiful and thought provoking.

As always, I leave a more than little amazed,... and envious,... of your talent and eloquence.

Posted by: Arthur at June 25, 2006 08:06 PM

Lisa,

Wow, what a wonderful comment you left. So heartfelt and beautifully expressed. This post was so difficult to compose that I had to step away from it for a number of days. Somehow, reading your words now are more powerful to me because I've had time to reflect. You are such a wonderfully inspired artist! We must meet with your mom at the River someday!

Posted by: susan at July 14, 2006 08:28 PM