« Previous | Main | Next »

RSVP

March 28, 2006

ph_mar_spirit.jpg
Last night was the last meeting of the meditation class being led by Sharon Salzberg at the national cathedral. In preparing to write an entry about it, I came across this beautiful Tibetan stationery which I had tucked away months ago in a little nook on one of my mantels. I adore the colors. They are so vibrant yet peaceful. The bird represents spirit to me. Lovingkindness is a gift we give ourselves as well as to others, and I see this mirrored in the simple yet elegant magenta bow. The card is hand-made, which elicits a feeling of intimacy in me. Someone in Tibet held and crafted this little card. Now with it gently cradled in my small hands I feel connected to a place oceans and heartbeats away from me. Certainly, this is one of the most inviting invitations I have ever found. I actually feel it beckoning me to untie the ribbon and open it.

I'd love to say that these weeks of studying and practicing meditation went perfectly well. They didn't. It started out with a sense of bright, shiny new faith, but then because of the ever-changing nature of our existence, these circumstances ~ and my feelings ~ didn't last. I wrote about the change in season, turning one year older, the sense that somehow things aren't the way they're supposed to be. None of these feelings would be categorized as "enlightened"... but you know what? I've come to believe it's okay, and despite my fear-laden self-evaluation, there is a land of kindness inside myself beckoning me back. Pick yourself up, the letter says, dust your ass off, you're here to learn, this isn't meditation perfection, it's meditation practice. Come back. Sit. Try again. Try as many times as it takes ~ there is no quota for starting over again.

And this approach isn't just limited to self-evaluation. I offended a dear friend yesterday. I was in the midst of the worst day in many a month. The reasons aren't important, but what is important is I allowed my perception of what I was experiencing to mushroom into something that was so far from being reality-based, I ended up cutting myself off from having compassion for someone I care for. My need was so huge, you see, that it clouded my vision. Doesn't this person see I'm in my own damn crisis? Geez!

There's an inherent problem with writing publicly about your inner thoughts and feelings about spirituality. There's this cloak of implication that since you've written about it, you always practice it. Unfortunately, it just isn't so. There are facets of myself which I struggle with, sometimes on a minute-by-minute basis, and these last couple of weeks, I've felt like a minor-league imposter or sorts. Who the hell am I to sit here in my blogdom and expound about the universe? After all, I really don't know that much about anything. I'm one drop in the endless ocean of universe. Every drop ripples out, and I try to be mindful of the energy I put forth... sometimes, I'm saddened by it.

No doubt I will continue absorbing and testing these teachings for many months to come, the key of which is compassion ~ not only for others, but for oneself. I am now granting myself an open door policy ~ a Tibetan Invitation ~ that will hopefully last forever. Deep within I see a lovely hand-crafted note card tied with a creative crimson ribbon. Untying the ribbon and lifting the cover, I find my own handwriting, inviting myself to begin again, and again... and again. Each day, gently asking myself to renew a commitment to what is real and true, loving and kind. Wrapping my heart in the arms of compassion for myself and all beings, every miraculous day.

There will be days when the world will seem anything but miracle, but still the invitation, and the door, remain open.

RSVP.

Posted by vincent at March 28, 2006 04:26 PM

Comments

"a minor-league imposter" - oh that phrase resonates with me. and i LOVE the idea of giving yourself an invitation to try again - beautiful!

Posted by: bobbie at March 29, 2006 10:59 AM

Renewal and Spring...

Posted by: dan at March 29, 2006 12:48 PM

"Who the hell am I to sit here in my blogdom and expound about the universe? After all, I really don't know that much about anything."

But, that's just it... aren't we all just trying to figure this universe out? By putting those ponderings out there, we can all muddle through together. :c) I love your view and vision on the world and have gained so much by the sharing of your untying of that ribbon over and over again... for, what you put out into the world is true, loving, and kind.

Posted by: samtzmom at March 29, 2006 01:37 PM

Thank you for your honesty and vulnerability. I, too, pray that what I read and think and feel here in 'blogdom' will more easily translate into real world experience on a consistent basis. Your words here help encourage me to do so...

Posted by: beth at March 30, 2006 08:52 AM

Pick yourself up, the letter says, dust your ass off, you're here to learn, this isn't meditation perfection, it's meditation practice. Come back. Sit. Try again. Try as many times as it takes ~ there is no quota for starting over again.


not meditation perfection, but meditation practice. Thank you for the reminder. *smile* Susan, your blog is one of the places I come for inspiration to deeper peace.


blessed be and thank you.

Posted by: raj at March 30, 2006 06:03 PM

I can't say I am enamoured with the whole "Eastern" meditation thing, but we all find our own paths through this messy thing we call life. If that is yours, then so be it.

All I can say is that I have bookmarked your site for a reason. It is an oasis of peace in a very noisy world.

Your poems, your pictures, your insight, all provide a moment of respite from a hectic and busy life. That you often allow your vulnerabilities to peek through merely emphasises to me you are human too, and occsionally in need of the same peace you so freely share with others.

May you find it.

Posted by: Arthur at March 31, 2006 10:54 AM

Thanks, Arthur. All seekers seem to find a way which works for them. I have discovered east and west have much more in common than many christians (myself included) think... especially if we break down the barrier of interpretting religion as a set of rules to be followed, and move forward into the truly powerful and profound metaphorical truths both disciplines share. Someday I may write about this... perhaps soon. I have tucked your comment in my pocket to take out and visit at a later date.

Posted by: Susan at March 31, 2006 11:21 AM

Susan,

I used to belong to a "cult." Their doctrine may be faulty, but their love and support for each other remains inspirational to me. "Mainline" Christianity would do well to emulate that part of their experience.

I don't hold that "Eastern" meditation is bad in and of itself. Christianity is, after all, an "Eastern" religion, although "religion" isn't perhaps the best word to describe it. "Relationship" is better. That is what Christianity offers, isn't it? A relationship with our God through His Son?

What concerns me is the FOCUS of the meditation practiced by some Eastern religions. I don't know enough about many of these religions to comment authoritatively, but in my opinion, the focus should be on God and His Son and less on ourselves and finding our own path to enlightenment. God has provided for us "The Way." What more do we need?

Having said that however, we in the Western World can learn a lot from other peoples and their disciplines. Meditation is encouraged in our Scriptures. We seem to have unlearned the practice. Maybe learning HOW to meditate again, even from a culture/religion that doesn't hold the same truths we do, isn't such a bad idea. So, don't throw out the baby along with the bathwater! Find those kernels of truth wherever you can, and incorporate them into your knowledge and practices. Whatever works for you.

I wouldn't make a very good pastor of a conventional Christian church, would I? Thank God that isn't my calling.

Have a wonderful day!

Posted by: Arthur at March 31, 2006 12:57 PM

Arthur said it well. We can either learn to listen for that "still small voice inside" or maybe end up hit upside the head with one of His clue x fours.

"The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant. We have created a society that honors the servant and has forgotten the gift."~~Albert Einstein

Posted by: dan at March 31, 2006 06:24 PM

Offended a friend when you were in need. How often that happens in the world of relationships. True friendship, that deep trust between two people who care about each other, has open communication and honesty. When speaking to each other the friends must be secure enough with the friendship to say, "Hey, I am hurting and in need here." If the other person is also in dire need the best thing to say is, "I'll talk later." We all hurt each other at one time or another and it is usually during times of stress. And who do we lash out to? Family or best friends. Why do we lash out? To be HEARD and COMFORTED. Sometimes we have to say a prayer to get over the rough spots in life. I have a marble in my pocket that I finger quietly when under pressure while saying a small prayer asking for help. And saying out loud that you just cannot talk right now because it has been a HECTIC day just might be the smartest thing you could ever do for a relationship. But then that friend has to understand and not be hurt. Friendship is a two way street.

Posted by: janet at April 2, 2006 06:30 PM