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Mr. Turtle
June 15, 2005
He looks really benign, but I swear this turtle charged me – barreling across a jungle of grass toward me and my camera at warp speed.
Well, maybe not warp speed. Terp speed was more like it.
I was driving home from the lake last week and decided to go straight where I normally turn left – driving the extra 5 miles to the Andrew Jackson Shrine – or was it Stonewall Jackson? I'm not sure which Jackson it was, but I do know that Andrew Jackson was president, a warrior, and he actually killed a man in a duel to protect his woman's honor.
They just don't make men like they used to, do they? Where is the chivalry today? I've yet to have a man duel for MY honor. Maybe if I wore a bustle more frequently, some dueling would commence.
Come to think of it, I'm wondering... is it possible the bustle was responsible for the civil war? Could it be, the bustle changed the course of history? Does the slightest glance of a bulbous bustle have the power to quicken a man's heart and loins, compelling him to protect and defend it?
It's a thought worth pondering and attending to, I do believe.
Anyway, just before I got to the shrine not worth mentioning – because it was closed – I drove right over this turtle with my MINI Cooper. Luckily, none of my tires hit him, and when I looked back through my rear view mirror I could see he had pulled himself up, tight into his shell. I'm pretty sure I scared the shit out of him.
There are few things worse than seeing a smooshed Mr.Turtle in the middle of the road, so I put the stickshift into reverse and whirred back over the turtle! (just kiddin') Actually, I got out of the car, picked him up, and put him in the front seat. Normally I would have just put him off to the side of the road, but since I was on a curve, and there was no shoulder to speak of, it was just too dangerous to have a long conversation with Mr. Turtle in such a precarious position.
So, I took him for a short ride.
It was just me and the turtle, tooling along for 'bout a 1/2 mile 'til I found a good drop-off point a safe distance away from the pavement. (Mr. Turtle's Wild Ride!)
I wasn't about to let a photo-op like this go by, so I tenderly laid him down in the grass and quickly ran back to the car to get my camera. I got really close and stooped down in front of Mr. Turtle to get some good macro shots. It was going totally swell, and then – all of a sudden – he summoned all the courage his little turtle heart could muster and he made a RUN for it. He was COMIN' RIGHT AT ME! Let me tell ya, through the viewfinder it was rather startling to be caught in the path of a mighty Terapin STAMPEDE! The dirty scoundrel was challenging me to a duel!
"Take THAT! You nasty photographer woomahn!" (he spoke in a French accent ~ did you know that box turtles speak with French accents? It's terrbily endearing.) I made a MAD DASH FOR MY LIFE– tires spinning – kicking up a dust clouds that swirled like a fog of mystery behind me. In the distance, I could see the silohuette of Andrew Turtle Jackson raising his fist and shaking it in defiance in the rear view window.
Completely, totally, truly happened.
Posted by susan at June 15, 2005 12:25 AM
Comments
Oh, my!!!
Posted by: dan at June 14, 2005 10:33 PM
I came across your site a few months ago, via another blog site. I stayed a little, looked a little and read incessantly. Now I'm addicted to you! Why? Because of the craziness of it all, because fo the humanity of it all, because of the honesty of it all!
Little stories like today's give an insight into the mind and character behind these words... and it is just brilliant! Now I 'have' to come here each day, just to make sense of my own little ramblings.
Thank you, so much for your contibutions, they are valued.
So now tell me about the Stree Musician you are.
Posted by: Chris at June 15, 2005 3:38 AM
Susan, you are such a hoot!! I almost spit out my coffee while reading this! What a wonderful way to start my day!
Posted by: samtzmom at June 15, 2005 7:48 AM
Must agree-you are a hoot!! Although, a french accent is endearing? Susan, Susan, tsk. Many thanks for the laugh I needed to start my day.
Posted by: Andrea Lemieux at June 15, 2005 9:30 AM
This photo looks like a CG creature from "Revenge of the Sith"... or is it "Revenge of the Terp"? Arrrr! Arrrrr!
Posted by: G. at June 15, 2005 11:25 AM
what a great story, i needed a good giggle today, thanks!
Posted by: bobbie at June 16, 2005 1:59 PM
COWABUNGA DUDE!!
Posted by: aola at June 16, 2005 8:42 PM
French accents are very very cute coming from a turtle, I assure you.
Glad people enjoyed it! It was a hoot to write too!
Posted by: Susan at June 17, 2005 8:20 AM
I read somewhere that box turtles with dark (brown) eyes are boys - so this must be a girl turtle! Maybe that explains the territorial nature :)
Posted by: heather m. at June 17, 2005 11:26 AM
I love the story too, and the french accent. But the photo is the cutest thing! Cute/ugly.
Posted by: bonwillow at June 17, 2005 12:42 PM
heather...
I stand corrected... MS. Turtle!
Posted by: Susan at June 17, 2005 1:08 PM
I love turtles. We have a FLorida Box Turtle (girl) only 7 years old named Kristal. She is the fastest turtle in the north. And an escape artist too. We made a nice summer home for her outside this summer. It is a big aqua plastic kids pool that we put leaves and dirt in and made a cave made out of logs. Kristal escaped the other day and went into the neighbors yard. Our cat Autumn was guarding her to keep her safe. It was hilarious to see Autumn looking after her big sister turtle.
Posted by: Becky at June 25, 2005 11:08 AM
