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HEAVY

January 09, 2005

ph_jan_heavy.jpg

I arrived at the Kansas City airport on Friday afternoon with my suitcase dragging like a boulder behind me. On the trip out, I brought Christmas presents that were pretty heavy. On the way out, I was bringing back my presents, which were even heavier. (I was good last year.)

I gallumphed up to the Midwest ticket counter and the guard let out a wheeze and an "UGH" as he hurled my bag onto the scale. The meter gasped, reading 58 lbs.

Oh oh.

Perry, the clerk looked at me over his eyeglasses, "I'm very sorry, but that's too heavy. The limit is 50lbs."

"What does that mean in dollars?" I asked.

"Twenty-five. But if you have books in there you can take them out and count it as carry-on."

So, I proceeded to open the outside zippers, which were so over-stuffed that my underwear literally SPRANG out of the pocket like Victoria's Secret Jack-in-the-Boxes.

"Ha, ha," I cringed, "let me pick those up... ha, ha, hee, hee."

Perry continued peering at me, but this time there was a glimmer in his eye.

I managed to pull out 3 heavy books, which left more than enough room in which to stuff my explosive panties–the scale lightened by only 4 lbs.

Perry said, "We need to get it down 4 more."

"Is my plane full?" I asked.

"It's wide open... hardly anyone on it," he replied.

We looked at each other for a moment. It was evident Perry wasn't too phased that 100 vacant seats could have meant 100 additional bags that would have weighed more than my excess load of 4 lbs.... but you know how it is.. rules ARE rules.

He read my mind, "Rules are rules, ma'am."

"I understand completely," I lied... and proceeded to unzip the entire suitcase, pulling out one more book, and then another, and then another. The digital display decreased by 2 lbs. "Hey!" I said, "I got it down to 52 pounds!"

Perry grinned as he pulled a big red tag marked "HEAVY" onto the counter, "Okay, okay... that's good enough, I'll make an exception–but only for you."

I beamed as he wrote "50" on the tag. "Just know you might not get this lucky next time."

"THANK YOU!" I gushed, "You just saved me from having to carry on two pounds of UNDERWEAR!"

Posted by vincent at January 9, 2005 07:37 PM

Comments

Very funny. And well written. Are you serious about the, um, panties popping out? I mean, that sounds so much like a movie script. Hilarious.

Posted by: real live preacher at January 9, 2005 08:14 PM

Helpful hints from Tennessee Williams and Blanche: the kindness of strangers should always be rewarded with a dazzling smile...that's what keeps it coming! (not to mention flooding our own brains with yummy chemicals)

Posted by: Karen at January 11, 2005 06:42 AM