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Poo-Poo Land

November 01, 2004

ph_oct_poopooland.jpg

Early last month, I actually began thinking I needed a dog. This was odd. If you haven't already noticed, I'm a cat person. Cats are cleaner, and smarter. They might be covered wtih cat–spit, but I've yet to meet a feline that smells like a dog. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE all animals... but I really hate dog smell.

My cats are pretty cool. They don't claw, or hiss, and stick to litter box as long as I don't accidentally lock one of them in the closet. (Good story.) Everyone who has met Mrs. Watson will attest to the fact that she is the best cat in the universe. She's a love-sponge zen–master. And Olympus? She's pretty shy and spends most of the day hiding in the closet. Which is why I sometimes suspect she coud be a lesbian. ~

The only problem is, cats do nothing to improve one's social life. They're self-sufficient and don't need a field full of drooling associates. As a matter of fact, I don't think Mrs. Watson wants me to expand my circle of friends – it would impinge on her alone time with the Ear-Scratching Can-Opening Goddess.

Despite this, I sat on the couch looking out the window in mid–September and experienced a major episode of Dog-Envy. I lovingly refer to the field behind my building as "Poo Poo Land" because a lot shit happens out there. It was an impromptu Poo Poo Parade as dogs sniffed each other's butts and introduced their owners to one another. I imagine they chatted about leash laws, drooling, doo-doo bags and howling. (I love the woman twirling her doo-doo bag in the middle of the picture.) Certainly no one was discussing the best way to clean up hairballs... how could I possibly become part of this "club"?

As dog after dog converged onto the field, dragging their owners behind them, I looked to Mrs. Watson and asked, "Wanna go for a walk?"

She blankly looked back at me for a moment or two... yawned... and then sauntered to the litter box. It was her way of saying, "You've GOT to be kidding – everyone knows the civilized poop in private."

Which got me to thinking... dogs and politicians have A LOT in common. I think I'll stick with the love-sponge zen-master and lesbian while I sort all of this out.

Posted by vincent at November 1, 2004 08:57 AM

Comments

I'm still struggling with my dog-wanting issues. I can barely care for myself, the catduck and now Boris the lizard.

Still, the dog-envy is there, no idea what that's about.

Posted by: joy at November 1, 2004 10:32 AM