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Bloglandia, Part 2

September 12, 2004

Less than a week has gone by since my discovery of Bloglandia, and I must say that I am growing accustomed to this strange little land. Still unsure of what unseen forces have summoned me to explore these inner regions, I decided to pitch my tent, and the Visual~Voice flag is proudly flying over my humble camp ground. There's a pot of licorice tea on the fire, and I'm munching on stoned wheat thins as I write in my journal.

I've yet to meet any indigenous people in the surrounding region. The only response to my initial "yoo-hoos" and "hellos" was the sound of my own voice echoing back through the forest at me. A somewhat annoying, but inquisitive crow has taken a liking to me. He sits perched above my monitor ... err ... "tent" ... cawing and laughing each time I hit a snag in the programming. I've named him "Booger", because that's what he is. Like the inner critic I struggle to silence, he stays just far enough out of reach to prevent me from successfully strangling him. Booger's eyeing me right now from his pejorative perch, and he seems to be saying I'll never get the hang of this online journaling thing, and I'll certainly never become fluent in Bloglandish.

"I hate you, Booger! Butt out of my blog you birdy little bugger-head!"

He just pooped on my wheat thins – this could be a problem.

It's not that the Bloglandian language is impossible to master, but it certainly does have it's learning curve. I'm more of a designer than a programmer and learning a new language is sort of like swallowing razor blades. Despite this, I'm compelled to create a log as I stake out this terriotry, and pain is an inevitable part of any worthwhile process.

Speaking of which, Thursday evening was a bit of a struggle. I was in danger of drowning in a mudslide of code. Just as swamp-goo was threatening to suck me down and was oozing up through my nostrils, Kathleen, my trusty programmer appeared through the fog in what looked like a Range Rover. She pulled me out, set my paths straight, and with a wave of her Magic MT Wand, I was alive and breathing again. To my intense delight, so was my blog!

Before she left, I offered Booger as a gift of my undying gratitude, but she said she was allergic to crows. Somehow, I knew she was lying as she hopped back into the Rover – her wheels spinning for a moment, throwing clumps of discarded code flying all over the forest. Before speeding away, she tossed a SAMS Movabletype book into my arms, saying it would be a good field guide.

"Here, take this too!" she yelled, and tossed a flare gun out the window. "Next time, call before you're in mortal danger!" And off she sped – the Blog-Fairy had other lives to save and deadlines to meet. For the meantime, I'd be completely on my own.

Mud-encrusted, but happy, I sat down with my field guide and began hatching a plan for my adventure. Booger flapped his wings angrily, trying to dislodge a glob of mud that had landed squarely on his tiny little head. But this time, I was the one laughing at HIM. "You're such a booger-brain!" I taunted. He chirped at me weakly and flew off in a huff – probably to bother some other unfortunate blogger in an adjacent kingdom.

"Have a nice day!" I crowed after him, waving my hand in a regal way that only the Queen of Bloglandia could do. I had staked my claim on fertile soil – my flag firmly planted. There was no amount of chatter or criticism that could stop the Queen of Bloglandia now.


My deepest gratitude to the Visual~Voice Blog-Fairy, Kathleen.

Posted by vincent at September 12, 2004 07:13 PM

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